He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
