don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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