i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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