So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
