Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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