Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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