my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
