There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
