I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
