I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
