have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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