think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
