i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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