so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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