9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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