I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
