THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
