Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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