Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize