you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize