He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize