i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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