I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
