He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
