She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it was like eating out sand paper
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize