i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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