just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You took a bar mat shot.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize