Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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