the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize