When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize