Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
