I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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