At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
