Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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