Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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