are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
