my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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