That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
