I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
