After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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