dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize