i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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