Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
