Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
