i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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