So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
