Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
