It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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