i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
