I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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