Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
