Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i think my cat just said my name.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
