you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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