I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
