Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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