I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
