then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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