My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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