She's JV to your varsity
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
