SEEEEXXX PLEASE
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
