Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize