Cold hands, warm shart.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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