I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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