SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
