Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
