Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
