Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
