Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
