She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also, beer. Big fan.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
