Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
