i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
