I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
