id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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