how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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