Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
