OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
