You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
